Characters involved: Boy and Girl
Boy is an army recruit, while Girl starts work as a part time office girl.
Things to note:
Boy and Girl are in a relationship (6 months).
Boy will “book out” and return home every Saturday afternoon.
Girl is thinking of taking up Salsa lessons.
Here’s what happened:
One Saturday afternoon, Boy calls Girl. He tells her that he has been confined for talking back to the Instructors and will not be able to return home till Sunday morning. She sighs.
Two days ago, she signed up for Salsa lessons for the both of them. The classes are held on Saturday evenings (7 pm). She is really interested in Salsa and is disappointed that she’d have to go for the first lesson by herself.
(She went for the Salsa lesson by herself. Nevertheless, she made some new friends and enjoyed it.)
Boy and Girl met on Sunday morning and they talked about the Salsa lesson. Boy and Girl have this mutual possessiveness going on between them, so Boy wasn’t very happy about the whole she-went-for-salsa-lesson-without-him thing. He did not trust other guys with Girl and especially not the guy salsa instructor.
(They agreed that the best way for Salsa to work out in her life is if he comes along the next week, to see how things are like in class so he could feel more assured.)
A week passes and it’s Saturday again. This week, Boy just returned from “Field Camp”. He has been out in the woods the past week and is so physically drained that he wishes not to go for the Saturday night Salsa lesson with Girl. Boy feels guilty about it but he needs this recovery period for his body to keep up with the strenuous military training. Girl felt very disappointed because she had high hopes that with this Saturday night’s lesson, Boy would show some approval of these Salsa lessons and she could then properly welcome Salsa into her life.
(They are at a stage where Girl would not feel at ease doing something that Boy doesn’t trust her to do. In other words, she wants his full support before she feels at ease doing it.)
Additional points to note are:
Girl is seriously upset.
Boy is seriously tired.
They are quarreling now and they come to a standstill.
Help them out! What should they say to each other to make things right? (Subjective)
edited Saturday, 7.48am.
(grammar!)
2 weeks ago
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI really like this scenario, Roy, because you simply describe the "stage" for the story, the motivation for Boy and Girl, and the core problem itself. You leave interpretation up to the reader. I won't comment further nor will I suggest a solution because that is the responsibility of your blogging partners.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Thanks, Brad. I hope the others like this scenario too.
ReplyDeleteHi Roy!
ReplyDeleteI think you gave a scenario that is realistic and I think this situation occurs quite often among couples where the guy is still serving his NS. Perhaps after collating all the comments and coming up with a good solution, we can share it with those couples! Haha
I think that the most important matter that should be resolved is the trust between them. You mentioned that ‘Boy and Girl have this mutual possessiveness going on between them’ and ‘They are at a stage where Girl would not feel at ease doing something that Boy doesn’t trust her to do. In other words, she wants his full support before she feels at ease doing it’. I think all these are due to the lack of trust between them, which as a couple, shouldn’t be happening.
1) I think the guy should try to trust the girl more and support her going to salsa class. He can still join with her salsa classes but in those cases where he cannot make it, he can fully support the girl.
What the guy could say: I still wish to go for salsa lessons with you and I promise you, I will try to attend as many lessons. But if there are certain Saturdays I cannot make it, I really support you still going for it. We have been together for half a year and I think we should learn to trust each other. Just promise me you will update me what happens in class and you can also teach me on what I have missed out!
2) As for the girl, I think she should assure him that she will be going just to learn salsa and nothing more. Also, she should let him know that she understands that he is not having an easy life in NS.
What the girl could say: I know you are trying your best to find time for salsa and I know that you do want to join me, just that NS is really taking so much of your time and energy. However, every time you can’t make it, though I can, I will not go too as I don’t want to do something without your support. I really hope you understand that I am going there just to learn salsa. I will not do anything that you wouldn’t like. Please trust me and give me your support.
I guess this mutual possessiveness within them has been going on for quite some time but a relationship does need trust and by building trust in each other, can problems then be solved easily. It may not be easy building trust but this incident can be the first step to it!
Hey Roy!
ReplyDeleteYour post is very realistic. I think I agree to whatever Shu Juan has mentioned. I just want to add in one more point.
Actions speak louder than words. I think what Boy can do the least is to accompany Girl to the salsa lesson but not dance. He can go with her, sit there and watch her dance. Isn't that sweet? =)
Hey Roy!
ReplyDeleteFor the girl,
In this situation, the girl is upset as she hopes to get the full support from her boyfriend. Thus, the main issue for the girl now is to get the trust and support from her boyfriend. Firstly, she should try to explain to her boyfriend that she understand that the NS life has been tiring for him. It would be unreasonable for her to drag him to the salsa dance class. Next, she could tell her boyfriend that she really wants to learn salsa and has already signed up for it. Hence she decided to go for the class without him. Perhaps, the girl can actually arrange a gathering which includes a few friends she had made in the dance class and her boyfriend. Having know the friends she made in the class, might allow her boyfriend to trust her more. In addition, she can suggest to her boyfriend to come to the dance class whenever he is free. In this way, her boyfriend would have a better idea of what she is doing the class. Thus, gaining his trust.
As for the boy,he should understand that his girlfriend did want to attend the class with him. However, NS has made him busy and tired. Thus, he should slowly learn to trust his girlfriend. Next, he can actually tell the girl that he is unable to attend the class with her but will definitely give her his full support. He could also suggest to watch her dance class whenever he is free or to accompany her home after her dance class. In this way, he can support his girlfriend while being able to know more about her salsa class.
Guess the mutual trust between the two of them is the most important and it takes time to build up trust between them.
Hey Shujuan,
ReplyDeleteYea we probably could. And yea the trust issue is what's causing all these problems. I guess they just need more time together.
I think Boy supports the idea of Girl taking up Salsa, but really dislikes the idea of her going for lessons without him. I like the speech you gave him.
Girl could not go, like you said. I wouldn't too, if I were put in her shoes. But her passion for Salsa is really strong (Or this wouldn't even have been an issue).
I think Boy's fine lying at home this Saturday, he just has to endure the listening-to-her-talk-about-all-that-happened-in-class-part, then start showing up in class next week onwards. I think they just have to get past that and move on.
Hey Grace,
ReplyDeleteYea I think that's sweet too. And if the beat gets to him, he can just start his engine right away.
But if I were him, I would find it too tense a scenario to enjoy or relax. I'd go with a 'yea I'm coming down to see for myself which one of you are checking my girl out' mentality and in that beat up condition I'm in, I don't think I'd be game enough for it. I'd be impressed with myself if I were.
Hey Qiying,
ReplyDeleteI think accompanying her home is a rather sweet gesture too. It shows that Boy cares about Girl and at the same time, he could show up slightly before the end of classes to see how dance classes are like and have a better feel of the situation.
Gatherings sound fun but put in Boy's shoes, I'd want Girl to minimize her contact with her classmates, not initiate even more contact. Haa I could very well be more possessive than he is.
Thanks for your comments!
Hi Roy,
ReplyDeleteIt's very important that Boy has more trust in Girl in order to maintain their relationship. Another thing I would like to add is that Boy should have more confidence in himself and more faith in their relationship.
Although Boy says that he has no trust towards the men around Girl, but by saying such words, it could make Girl feel very disappointed in Boy for not trusting her judgement and being able to take care of herself against all those men in her class. When I mention judgement, I meant Girl's judgement towards the men in her class. If she ever felt uncomfotable around those men in her class, she would not have hoped that Boy could show her some support regarding attending Salsa classes.
Boy could try to see the situation in Girl's shoes and understand that Girl signed up Salsa for both of them to be able to enjoy the process of learning something together, and also for Girl to share something that she enjoys with someone who is important to her.
It is difficult to convince Girl to not attend Salsa lesson based on the reasons that Boy gave about men in her Salsa class cannot be trusted. This is because Boy has not attended any of the Salsa lesson, so Girl might feel that what Boy says is his own hypothesis because he has not met any of them before.
Therefore, it is very important that Boy builds up more confidence in their relationship. He could also try to attend the Salsa lesson before passing judgement on the people around Girl in Salsa class whom are friends to Girl now.
I feel that mutual trust and understanding would build a stonger bond in any type of relationships=) Hope what I said makes sense=)
Hey Roy,
ReplyDeleteI guess this that for this problem, one way to solve this situation is to give and take.I think it is difficult for her to understand why the boy is tired as she doesn't have to go through it, so the guy should try to understand why the girl is feeling upset. On what the boy can do, I suggest that he can give the girl his army training schedule (they are usually given prior to the trainings). With the training schedule, the girl would better understand why the boy is not able to make it to her salsa lesson.
For the girl, try to understand that the boy has only limited free time when he books out. Not only does he has to rest, he also have to share his remaining time among the girl and his family. It is a difficult task, therefore try to understand the boy.
I guess most guys that are in a relationship when they are in national service have not much trust or confidence in their relationship. I understand how the boy feels. A simple way to get about it is to just call and maintain contact everyday and allow the girl to go salsa. Ask her about what has happened, what she learned, etc. The girl will be able to sense the trust given to her by the boy, and the relationship can be maintained.
Cheers!!
Hey Hui xia,
ReplyDeleteYea I agree with you. Boy has to come to terms with his possessiveness some day and build up confidence in their relationship.
Hey Keldren,
ReplyDeleteYup I find this compromising thing very important in a relationship too. And you're right -- Boy is possessive because he's in the army. I understand that too and I feel that he should just not worry about it. Life's too short to be worrying over whether your girl's cheating on you. If she has someone else "outside" then she's just not the right girl (God bless him, don't let him be the last to know).