Three

Subject: TIP Seminars: NES BizAsia Entrepreneurial Exchange Program 2009


Dear TIP Students

Please note that there are three upcoming event each of which is recognised by TIP as "1 TIP seminar". Details and registration of the events are attached.
If you like to attend, please register, if required, direct with the event organisers.

Do remember to bring along your logsheet and obtain the signature of any one of the receptionists or officials at the event to certify your attendance. You do not need any additional signatures on the logsheet.

A copy of the logsheet can be downloaded here: http://www.tip.eng.nus.edu.sg/_downloads/logsheet.doc.

TIP Seminars attendance is one of the components of EG1603: TIP Instructional Workshops & Seminars. To obtain 2 MCs for EG 1603, students have to complete all the following satisfactorily:-

- A 3-day "TIP Workshop"
- At least 4 "TIP Seminars"
- One Summary Report (of between 800 to 1000 words) summarizing what you have specifically learnt from the 4 seminars attended.

Note: The 4 TIP Seminars can be done anytime, i.e. before or after the TIP Workshops. There is no time limit for this EG1603 Module. However we prefer that the TIP Workshop is completed before the start of the final Semester before graduation.

When you have completed the above requirements, please scan in your logsheet and send it together with your report to Dr John Bauly at engjb@nus.edu.sg.


Regards
Undisclosed (Ms) :: Management Assistant Officer, Office of Undergraduate Programs, Faculty of Engineering :: National University of Singapore :: Blk XX, #0X-XX, 9 Engineering Drive 1, Singapore 1175XX :: 65-6516 XXXX (DID) :: 65-6774 XXXX (FAX) :: XXXXXXX@nus.edu.sg (E) :: www.eng.nus.edu.sg (W) :: Company Registration No: 200604346E

----------------------------------------------------

Background information: This is an email I receive very often. TIP stands for Technopreneurship & Incubation Program and this program is open to students across NUS.

To begin with, in the “Subject” field, NES should be in full, i.e., NUS Entrepreneurship Society. There are many more societies and organizations taking part in this program, so I feel that the full name of the organization should be used.

Next, this email seems to be in block format with open punctuation, so the punctuation in the addressee, salutation and complimentary close are omitted. Furthermore, at first glance, the email seems messy with links and bolds and italics all over. I feel that it can be improved with better organization.

This email is addressed to TIP Students only. Thus, the students receiving these mails are those who have already registered for the program. Most of the information provided in this email are present in the TIP website, so I feel that they can be omitted. Also, Ms Undisclosed has included more information on the event itself directly below her email, so I feel it would be best to have kept it short and concise.

In her first sentence, Ms Undisclosed should have underlined “three upcoming events” because I missed it out totally. It could be bolded and in italics, like “register, if required, direct with the event organisers” so that the email would be consistent.

I like that Ms Undisclosed gave a gentle reminder of the logsheet because I have forgotten about it before. After that paragraph, all the extra information below the reminder could be exchanged for a simple “For more information on the TIP, please visit inserttechnopreneurshipandincubationprogramlinkhere.”

P.S. Oh no the formatting of the email cannot be seen.